Zombies Don’t Get ‘Splained

See also: Zombies don’t need pain relief.

Photo by Sven Kucinic on Unsplash

It’s April Fool’s Day. It’s also Monday. So, I’m positive that those of us in the United States are either on the same page or getting there rapidly. Between the joking news and everything else, today just feels off and has level of grumpity that threw my snark head-first into writing. I needed to write, if, for nothing else, to find a little bit of release. Also, nothing in this particular article is an April Fool’s joke and all of it actually really happened. No joking.

I moseyed out of my house this morning feeling both crabby and anxious, but not entirely sure why. Maybe I didn’t get enough time with my S.S. this morning. Maybe I didn’t get enough sleep. Maybe my binge-food-fest of the previous week had caught up to me, making my body think I was simultaneously starving while not being hungry. Who really knows why I felt like I needed to rip someone a new hole, but by the time I got to the dentist a mere five minutes later, I hadn’t quite gotten my emotions on the same page as my brain.

Photo by Chris Hall on Unsplash

This, of course, was a problem. As all good zombies know, they don’t need to explain anything nor have anyone go near their mouth unless the person…