I read this, and had a moment of pause. Too often, I've heard from my (now divorced) female friends that they expressed their needs for help, for more support, and were rebuffed by their spouses.

When someone actively tells you that what you need isn't important, or that their needs are more important than yours, why wouldn't there be some relief of being detached? But also, I'm sure those men were happy in their lives, and just as long as /they/ weren't affected, they would continue as they had been. It shouldn't take a wake up call of divorce to suddenly realize that, oops, I should have actually been acting loving, supportive, and helpful toward my spouse.

It's terribly selfish to act as if your spouse is a nag because they ask for what they need. And it's worse that people are silenced because they are taught they don't really matter.

We all fall into cycles and habits in life. It doesn't mean that it makes us happy to continue to do them.

I've been married for 28 years, and when my children were growing up, I absolutely told my friends and husband that if he'd died, I wouldn't remarry. Now that my children have moved out, there has been a lot more space for helpful conversations and time to breathe. It's not that I wasn't happy before, but now I'm not exhausted by perpetual thankless labors.

The answer to "how can we have better, more fulfilling marriages" means we need to start teaching our children real expectations about living with others, how to function as adults, and what it really takes to be in a relationship.

I also think that there needs to be more early schooling to teach kids about empathy, caring, and interpersonal communication. The more we teach kids about their feelings and others' feelings, the more people can put themselves into each other's shoes and recognize just how damned hard it is to be a human who is responsible for others.